The Evening of Eve

"Black and White" – Rating ** said the newspaper last Sunday. I did not give much thought to either the title of the movie or the rating that day. But today, when I started thinking, I realize it is not only about colors, God’s creation has always struck a balance – whether it is day and night, Birth and Death, Man and Woman. Did I say woman? That brings me to what I have been thinking about the whole day, nearly one week after the "International Woman’s day". Both men and women are God’s creation. It is a well known fact that they are different, their needs are different, and their roles are different. Where does the problem lie? The problem arises when we as individuals fail to take cognizance of our as well as others’ abilities and limitations. Why do I see so many women’s forum and councils coming up while I hear of men’s council only regarding sports? We all know that March 8th is International Women’s day. How many of us know that the first Saturday of November is International men’s day? Probably very few. What is the need to have an international day for women? When I posed this question to different women the answers I got were – "Because the rest of the 364 days are men’s days" - "We have been oppressed since ages and we need to rise now"-"Men have April 1st and we have March 8th". What were these people trying to communicate? This is precisely what I wanted to find out by attending a Women’s forum meeting devoting 4 hours of my time. If I could learn a lesson or become aware of so called "women-specific" problems, it would be worth it.

I walked in the corridors of a five star hotel searching for the venue of this meeting like I used to search for the train compartment in the last minute during my college days. This search was easier because the decibel levels act as indicators of gatherings of women. So here I am amidst women of age ranging from early twenties to early forties. So it was obvious that women specific problems would be a function of age and I got excited looking at the spectrum I was exposed to. This is how the forum meeting started – "Welcome to the gathering FREE OF MEN" and a wave of giggles traveled through the room. My expectations committed suicide jumping down a valley like Hrithik Roshan in Dhoom. That was shown in slow motion at least; here I could hear a THUD sound. "Is this a Women’s forum or an anti-men forum?" I thought and stopped myself thinking that it is too early to jump to conclusions. 15 minutes into the address that the head of the forum gave I started contemplating – "Am I very different from the other members of the fairer sex? Why am I not able to enjoy the *alleged jokes* or *gossips*?" I heaved a sigh of relief when I was assured that there are >1 people who shared parts of my experience. Is this session for bitching about men or development of women? Why do I see common needs of men and women in the agenda for women forum? Leadership skills need to be enhanced in both men and women. Both need mentoring. Both need to do good financial planning. Both need to have good health. By putting these as women-specific agenda, are we not widening the gap? I see more dissociation in the company than development. Are we not repeating the historical mistake by discriminating now in a different way? But whom do I shoot these questions to? After all I am also among those who do not want to take the risk of antagonizing the majority.

What are we trying to address by calling this meeting and inaugurating a forum? The women specific problems I can think of are –

Women have been assigned the job of managing the household and nurturing kids for ages. Now they are taking up an extra job which is perceived as "job" in the real sense by the world. That does not mean they resign their previous job. A woman will have to continue with the old one, probably she can have an assistant which could be her spouse or mother or the legal mother. Extra load means extra problems.

Strangely, maintaining the household has never been considered as a job because it does not have monetary returns. If it was considered as a significant contribution to run a house, we would never call only CEOs as achievers without House wives anywhere in the run for the title. It is human nature to pamper the ego by achieving great things, receiving rewards and recognition. Women are also human beings which is why they also entered the race in the corporate world. Women are taking this up by choice. Due to the extra load they do face more pressure. Bearing a child is one of the important stages in a woman’s life. She definitely more corporate maternity leave to take good care of her health, she needs more time to devote to the baby as a feeding mother, she needs cooperation from the company to take care of the baby till it is on its own. "

I don’t see this in the agenda though everyone talks about it.

Women are different from men physically, biologically and to an extent psychologically. When God did not create the two equal, it does not make much sense to claim equality too. Rather what each individual should be claiming is Opportunity and Rights Commensurate with abilities. Just because Kalpana Chawla went to Space, all women can’t. For that matter, all men cant too. Each individual has a set of unique abilities, talent and limitations. If an individual is not allowed to achieve up to his/her ability it is unjust irrespective of the gender. So what kind of woman rights are we talking about? It is not that all men or bad or all women are good. Men have their own set of problems to deal with. Let us look at the other side of the coin. Being a woman has its own advantages –

A woman can call it a day anytime; she will not be questioned by many. But do men have that luxury? If a man quits his job, he will be labeled IRRESPONSIBLE and WORTHLESS. "He is supposed to earn for the family". Actually if we look at it, it is an initial condition problem of distribution of load. The cart of home needs two M wheels – Maintenance and Money. Long then, job did not mean resting on a ergonomic chair with only two parts of the body working – Brain and the fingers. It meant roaming in the hot sun, lifting loads of weight and sweating it out more than the current day Gym. Commensurate with the physical strength of men and women it was quite logical then to distribute it that way. The Stereotype has just continued till this day though times seem to be changing pretty evidently.

How many times have you as a girl felt relieved or as a guy felt jealous when the Physical training sir gave 2 rounds as punishment to girls and made boys run 10 rounds in school?

How many times have you spent a minute appreciating the variety of choice women have in terms of clothing and accessories? Do the shopping malls have anything more to offer to men other than shirts, T shirts and a pair of trousers? Sadly they had to resort to earrings, chains and pony tails. :(

How often do we talk about the tax exemption or the favors we receive from people from various rungs because of the universal bias towards the eve?
It is just that women have the amazing quality of amplifying the lack more than have. I don’t deny that we have women suffering from dowry deaths, prostitution, and lack of freedom or education in the Indian society. But definitely corporate women forum meetings will not cater to those people.

We will not achieve anything by putting down men or boasting about our strengths. At the end of the day we are going to go back home and have a coffee with a father or a husband. It is wise to understand the composition of the universe and that men and women are like irreplaceable pillars of a building. We as human beings (Does not matter whether it is a man or a woman) should recognize the success rate of working together rather than secluding ourselves and fighting for nebulous rights.

Alas! All I enjoyed was the Vanilla ice cream! :D

Astrology

Astrology-"the study of the movements and positions of the sun, moon, planets and stars, and the skill of describing the expected effect that these are believed to have on the character and behavior of humans". This is all Cambridge dictionary told me about it.

Being from a biotech background and working as an Analyst in the corporate world, how-much-ever unconnected the two fields may sound, I have no clue how some celestial bodies floating somewhere in the universe can decide how my mom takes the news of me having a boyfriend or my boss deciding my annual rating or for that matter Shahrukh Khan’s "Om shanti Om" being a hit. I was wondering about this sitting in a room in which patches of the walls tried to take a peek at me from behind the innumerable posters and banners that spoke high of astrology, depicted planets as deities and had tables representing the positions of planets which made me recall my practical notebooks of eleventh grade. I was there for a reason. It is not as strong as the previous sentence may sound. It is because my uncle took me there. :) We were treated as VIPs as my uncle is a long time friend of that astrologer who makes money predicting others lives. This gave me the chance to observe a lot of things based on his interaction with his other customers.

Customer No. 1:

A mid-aged man with a hangdog look complains about his daughter- "I sent her to college thinking she will become an engineer, but she has forced me to leave all my dreams about her and plead the parents of that guy who does not even come close to the imagination I had about the groom I would get for her. The problem is she is elder to him and my daughter has "Mangala Dosha". I don’t know how I could even go and ask them about it". Our "solution-for-all" guru says with a wry smile and know-it-all attitude-"Well, that does not look like a problem to me. Date of birth can always be changed and kundali modified to get rid of problems. In fact, why don’t u get the horoscope of the guy. I can tailor your daughter’s horoscope to that."

Wow, that’s cool. Marriage is reduced do a garment business. If we can change everything in the horoscope, why do we need to match them? These questions of mine may never get answered.

Customer No. 2:

An old man with lines on his forehead that speak about his unmarried daughter gets in with some pieces of paper out of which all or one may end up in the dustbin in the corner of the room after the astro researcher speaks up. "Sir, I have these options in front of me. Can you tell me which of these is the best match?" Not spending more than 5 seconds on each, he says. "Well, I don’t recommend any of them". That man with the same look on his face after paying 20 Rs.

Is this great astrologer so proficient to make that out in 5 seconds? Probably at his age the visual power itself will bring a delay of 10 seconds. Or may be he can make that out and it is just my limitation to suspect it. But how was he sure that those horoscopes were not tailored artificially for someone else? ;)

Customer No. 3:

This time it is a woman who brings the horoscope of her very successful son who has everything but is not getting married and is 35 years old already. She asks –"My son is 35 and is not married yet. "

What is the whole point? You should be handing over the horoscope and be asking that guy to predict the scenario with marriage and not be letting the whole thing out.

Our astro king brushes it off with a bombastic statement –" How is it possible madam? I see that Shani has become asthadipati and is higher to Budha who has been looking at mangala from 4th house."

Does that make even one iota of sense to a layperson? What is he intending to do here?

" He will have to visit a temple which is beyond the hills and the mountains and do a pooja there. I understand that he will be busy with it. Let me suggest something for your good. It can be done by someone like us. All you will have to do is pay us some 5000 bucks. That’s all. That is nothing compared to your son’s future"

Great. I got my answer.

I thought horoscopes describe the way things take their course. So can that be changed by doing what he said. Will Budha stop looking at Mangala? How will that happen unless you change it and reprint it?

Customer No. 4

A guy of my age is here finally. He wants to know about why he is not successful in his career and is burdened by debt.

Burdened by debt at this age itself?

This lead to the same kind of fuzzy description and the conclusion was to make the guy wear a ruby stone ring on his middle finger. "How much would that cost?" he asks wishing as much as he could that it would not be high. "15000. That is fine. It makes you conquer the sun" comes the answer and I see a total eclipse on the guy’s face.

A guy is burdened by debt and you make him drown a little more by making him spend like this. Is this astro king sure that it helps? Will he pay the debt if it does not help? Ah look at his hand. I could see all the precious stones on the earth dancing on his fingers. Does this guy have no problems in his life now that he has conquered all the planets and stars?

The guy is hesitant to go ahead with it when asked if they could call the jeweler there itself. Of course, commissions are an unsaid part of it. After a lot of –"Go ahead" and "Hmm, I need to think", the astro says with the same know-it-all tone –" Your horoscope tells me you are stubborn and you wont listen"

Then why the hell were they trying to suggest or advise?

The guy leaves the room with nothing changing in his life other than the fact that now his pocket was lighter after those ten 10 Rupee notes left his pocket.

After all this I am left alone for a whole day of pondering on many things I see in life. I do believe that there is a power which is the reason for how different lives take their turns, intersect, diverge and converge. But my reservations are about the claims of understanding that power in totality and making a business out of the claim. If someone could conquer the forces that affect our lives, why are they still working for the 100 bucks that the guy gave? If they knew what to do to earn well, why have they not taken over Azim Premji or Narayan Murthy? Given that I have spent only 24 years on this earth, I don’t know what is the absolute truth and may not come to know even after spending 80 years. But that does not stop me from penning down my views and things that make me put my thinking cap on.