"Black and White" – Rating ** said the newspaper last Sunday. I did not give much thought to either the title of the movie or the rating that day. But today, when I started thinking, I realize it is not only about colors, God’s creation has always struck a balance – whether it is day and night, Birth and Death, Man and Woman. Did I say woman? That brings me to what I have been thinking about the whole day, nearly one week after the "International Woman’s day". Both men and women are God’s creation. It is a well known fact that they are different, their needs are different, and their roles are different. Where does the problem lie? The problem arises when we as individuals fail to take cognizance of our as well as others’ abilities and limitations. Why do I see so many women’s forum and councils coming up while I hear of men’s council only regarding sports? We all know that March 8th is International Women’s day. How many of us know that the first Saturday of November is International men’s day? Probably very few. What is the need to have an international day for women? When I posed this question to different women the answers I got were – "Because the rest of the 364 days are men’s days" - "We have been oppressed since ages and we need to rise now"-"Men have April 1st and we have March 8th". What were these people trying to communicate? This is precisely what I wanted to find out by attending a Women’s forum meeting devoting 4 hours of my time. If I could learn a lesson or become aware of so called "women-specific" problems, it would be worth it.
I walked in the corridors of a five star hotel searching for the venue of this meeting like I used to search for the train compartment in the last minute during my college days. This search was easier because the decibel levels act as indicators of gatherings of women. So here I am amidst women of age ranging from early twenties to early forties. So it was obvious that women specific problems would be a function of age and I got excited looking at the spectrum I was exposed to. This is how the forum meeting started – "Welcome to the gathering FREE OF MEN" and a wave of giggles traveled through the room. My expectations committed suicide jumping down a valley like Hrithik Roshan in Dhoom. That was shown in slow motion at least; here I could hear a THUD sound. "Is this a Women’s forum or an anti-men forum?" I thought and stopped myself thinking that it is too early to jump to conclusions. 15 minutes into the address that the head of the forum gave I started contemplating – "Am I very different from the other members of the fairer sex? Why am I not able to enjoy the *alleged jokes* or *gossips*?" I heaved a sigh of relief when I was assured that there are >1 people who shared parts of my experience. Is this session for bitching about men or development of women? Why do I see common needs of men and women in the agenda for women forum? Leadership skills need to be enhanced in both men and women. Both need mentoring. Both need to do good financial planning. Both need to have good health. By putting these as women-specific agenda, are we not widening the gap? I see more dissociation in the company than development. Are we not repeating the historical mistake by discriminating now in a different way? But whom do I shoot these questions to? After all I am also among those who do not want to take the risk of antagonizing the majority.
What are we trying to address by calling this meeting and inaugurating a forum? The women specific problems I can think of are –
Women have been assigned the job of managing the household and nurturing kids for ages. Now they are taking up an extra job which is perceived as "job" in the real sense by the world. That does not mean they resign their previous job. A woman will have to continue with the old one, probably she can have an assistant which could be her spouse or mother or the legal mother. Extra load means extra problems.
Strangely, maintaining the household has never been considered as a job because it does not have monetary returns. If it was considered as a significant contribution to run a house, we would never call only CEOs as achievers without House wives anywhere in the run for the title. It is human nature to pamper the ego by achieving great things, receiving rewards and recognition. Women are also human beings which is why they also entered the race in the corporate world. Women are taking this up by choice. Due to the extra load they do face more pressure. Bearing a child is one of the important stages in a woman’s life. She definitely more corporate maternity leave to take good care of her health, she needs more time to devote to the baby as a feeding mother, she needs cooperation from the company to take care of the baby till it is on its own. "
I don’t see this in the agenda though everyone talks about it.
Women are different from men physically, biologically and to an extent psychologically. When God did not create the two equal, it does not make much sense to claim equality too. Rather what each individual should be claiming is Opportunity and Rights Commensurate with abilities. Just because Kalpana Chawla went to Space, all women can’t. For that matter, all men cant too. Each individual has a set of unique abilities, talent and limitations. If an individual is not allowed to achieve up to his/her ability it is unjust irrespective of the gender. So what kind of woman rights are we talking about? It is not that all men or bad or all women are good. Men have their own set of problems to deal with. Let us look at the other side of the coin. Being a woman has its own advantages –
A woman can call it a day anytime; she will not be questioned by many. But do men have that luxury? If a man quits his job, he will be labeled IRRESPONSIBLE and WORTHLESS. "He is supposed to earn for the family". Actually if we look at it, it is an initial condition problem of distribution of load. The cart of home needs two M wheels – Maintenance and Money. Long then, job did not mean resting on a ergonomic chair with only two parts of the body working – Brain and the fingers. It meant roaming in the hot sun, lifting loads of weight and sweating it out more than the current day Gym. Commensurate with the physical strength of men and women it was quite logical then to distribute it that way. The Stereotype has just continued till this day though times seem to be changing pretty evidently.
How many times have you as a girl felt relieved or as a guy felt jealous when the Physical training sir gave 2 rounds as punishment to girls and made boys run 10 rounds in school?
How many times have you spent a minute appreciating the variety of choice women have in terms of clothing and accessories? Do the shopping malls have anything more to offer to men other than shirts, T shirts and a pair of trousers? Sadly they had to resort to earrings, chains and pony tails. :(
How often do we talk about the tax exemption or the favors we receive from people from various rungs because of the universal bias towards the eve?
It is just that women have the amazing quality of amplifying the lack more than have. I don’t deny that we have women suffering from dowry deaths, prostitution, and lack of freedom or education in the Indian society. But definitely corporate women forum meetings will not cater to those people.
We will not achieve anything by putting down men or boasting about our strengths. At the end of the day we are going to go back home and have a coffee with a father or a husband. It is wise to understand the composition of the universe and that men and women are like irreplaceable pillars of a building. We as human beings (Does not matter whether it is a man or a woman) should recognize the success rate of working together rather than secluding ourselves and fighting for nebulous rights.
Alas! All I enjoyed was the Vanilla ice cream! :D
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12 comments:
Quite a sensible post.. Feminism has indeed turned from something which solves social issues to something which feeds ego clashes...
I disagree with Ramkumar. What Goda has written about is not feminism. For instance, I've been a feminist ally for about half a year and the reason why I am a feminist ally is:
"For every girl tired of acting weak when she is strong, there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he's vulnerable.
For every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything, there's a girl tired of people not trusting her intelligence.
For every girl who is tired of being called oversensitive, there is a boy who fears to be gentle, to weep.
For every boy for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity, there's a girl who is called unfeminine when she competes.
For every boy struggling not to let advertising dictate his desires, there's a girl facing the ad industry's attacks on her self esteem.
For every girl who takes a step closer to liberation, there is aboy who finds the way to his freedom easier."
What feminists fight are not men. The enemy is the patriarchal system that has been prevailing for so long that both men and women are victims of. Women, even more so.
That's why one needs special women forums to discuss "women's needs". For the closer a woman gets to liberation, a man is helped too.
I am sorry that, Goda, your meeting turned out to be useless. I suggest you voice your opinion about the issues that NEED to be discussed. We should chat sometime about this
Hmmm thats nice u seem to be visiting a lot of new places other than just home and office ;)
And about the meeting, i think bitching about men in social gathering is more of a fad than reason.
But anyways i feel techies are having some offbeat exercises these days
@Vatsav - I appreciate the way you have put together your thoughts in a poetic way. More of what you said speaks about Stereotyping to which both men and women have fallen victims. I agree that each individual is different and Stereotyping is curbing the freedom of expression and the way of life. The fight need not be against a patriarchal or X system. It should be against any system which puts a ceiling and does not allow any individual to reach his best peak. I agree that both men and women have different needs. That is what precisely I was trying to put forward. The forum discusses common needs more than women specific. One more thing I strongly feel is rather than women secluding themselves in a room and discussing their needs is it not better to involve men and let them know what women need because if u don't how can you ever expect men to identify your needs and cater to them? My idea was that we should appreciate the differences we have, identify the plus and minus because of the difference and work together towards development than forming secluded groups.
The stereotyping of this character has arisen because of people falling into normative patriarchal systems. Patriarchy has led to so many crimes in which women have been forced to pay dowry, where their status has been clearly reduced to a level much lower than men. You speak from a middle class point of view, and you still have stated the problems women face as being domestic "workers". Why do you think that has arisen?/Why do you think people don't want to put an end to it? It's because in the patriarchy, the woman is a classical domestic household-caretaker whereas the man is a breadwinner. When such roles are now being swapped, it's not that easy either. Because of centuries of patriarchy, old customs seldom die.
Another problem with your argument is that even though you realize that "stereotyping" is a problem, you fail to recognize the cause of it. We do not need to have a patriarchal system that has been the cause of such stereotyping.
Another issue is that you do not speak for women who are raped, who have been sexually assaulted, who have been victims of domestic and other violence-acts. Ask them how it feels like to be a victim of the patrairchy which does everything it can to disempower women.
Not just that, even though I quoted some problems men face due to the patriarchy, the problems women face/have been facing were far more serious, and life threatening. Always viewed as the "weaker" sex, in not just the indian society, we need to provide voice to them
Maybe you feel it's unnecessary for someone to reach out to you. But there are women who are victims who need help. AND THESE ISSUES ARE DIFFERENT FROM MEN NEEDING A SPECIAL COMMITTEE TO DISCUSS THEIR PROBLEMS.
Lemme give you an example,
If a man and a woman both are subject to sexual harassment, it's easier for the man to voice it, and the only reason there's been so many cases of female sexual harassment being recorded is due to such groups that reach out to women. Even after she's sexually harassed, the patriarchy makes her taboo, and people start ostracizing her.
Patriarchy has done a lot of bad to the society, and the stereotyping issues I've talked about are a result of the patriarchy.
We don't need a patriarchal or matriarchal system, where a "gender" is superior to another. We can do away with them, and the first step to that is to empower women.
I think you should get in touch with women-specific feminist groups in india, and talk to them
oh and,
Even though men and women are different, they can be given equal status. The only problem being, the status of women has been historically reduced below that of men, and you need to push to bring them equal. I'd have agreed with your blog had there been a gender-normal system, but we LIVE in a patriarchal system that empowers men naturally. Hence we need special groups for women. Not because they are weaker, but because they are not made to have the same kind of resources or respect in the society.
I'd love to see a society where the need for such groups dies out, and all kinds of gender, races and orientations are allowed to thrive. But right now, in the society we live in, men and women are by default unequal, and the status of women is lower than men.
other reasons why we need social support groups for women:
1. Legal equality does NOT mean social equality. When a woman and a man go for a job interview, many job interviewers naturally think that women are less capable of handling the stress in the job as opposed to a man, This is clear residue from culture and patrairchy.
2. why patriarchy needs to be abolished, Patriarchy is an ancient and ongoing social system based on traditions of elitism (a hierarchy of inferiorities), privilege and the subjugation of women via strict gender expectations which constrain individualist expressions. Some societies are more patriarchal than others, but patriarchal social traditions are universal in human societies.
3.Even in modern-rule-of-law countries with full legal sexual equality, there are still many patriarchal remnants in the way that men (as a group) seek to discourage women (as a group) from social independence and independent financial security. These remnant patriarchal traditions do more harm to women, on balance, than good.
4. How many times is a guy raped? and how many times is a girl raped/sexually abused? So, how much more need is there for a special support group for women ?
wow! i have'nt read the post yet since i thought it was really long... but heck, the comments... they are a handful! and interesting :)
on a different note to goda : "nice shoes.. wanna trek?"
vatsav... you only seem to have agreed with what I have said, and what the post says.. this is not feminism.. the fact that such stuff is potrayed as feminism was what was my rant...
Well, i dont agree with ..."Feminism has indeed turned from something which solves social issues to something which feeds ego clashes"...
i agree with this is not true feminism or activism.
my point is also we need social support groups for women because of the inequality and unfairness that the society subjects them to (by being exceedingly and suffocatingly patriarchal)
Very well written post. I agree with vatsav that women support groups are necessary and these should be headed by a dynamic and outspoken woman who can convey the message to the lesser previleged. It's also quite possible that there are frustrated women out there who resorts to this to satisfy their ego. Goda, perhaps you should find out more about the "theme" of such events and write another insightful post. Of course keep your opinion flowing as well :)
I, of course, a newcomer to this blog, but the author does not agree
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