Thank You Series - Episode 2

A good measure of maturity is to remind yourself the prejudices and notions of childhood. I had my own set of those.

· Fair people always had a good first impression. I don’t exactly think it logically makes sense now but back then when I was a school kid, I did like to hang around fair people. I admit.

· I also had this notion that “North Indians” are fairer than “South Indians”. And what did North mean to me? Anything North of Karnataka where people can speak Hindi.

· Tenants need to respect the landlords more than vice versa. May be this got imbibed because my parents always made sure they showed some extra respect for the landlords.

Ranju

When I think back now, I don’t hold any of these notions now. But it is nice to remember the lady who shattered all the notions right when I was in the seventh class. That was when I got the opportunity to be the landlord’s daughter for the first time. I was all excited about it. I did rehearse the first few lines I would speak when they would come home the first time. To add to my excitement, my father had told me that they were Hindi speaking north Indians. Now that increased my expectations of “fair” complexion and also the pride of being a KV student who could converse well in Hindi. I remember the day August 1^st, 1996 when the family first landed at out place.

A journey started off from that day – a journey that left such a lasting impression on me that I would never forget that family, especially the lady of the house- Ranju Aunty. First is always special as they say. The first time I met her – my expectations of fair complexion was shattered. I came back home and told my mom. –“She is not North Indian. She is not fair.” Little did I know while cribbing that she would be one woman who would come close to my mom in terms of how much I would love her? As days passed she did win all our hearts. Not only my family but the whole colony used to love her.

What set her apart was her cheerfulness while talking to people of any age-right from a kid to a 70 year old man. The genuine concern that showed up while she enquired – “how are you?” We do ask thousands of people on a daily basis the formal question – “How are you doing?” But how many of those do we really mean? How many times would we call them home and serve dinner if they said they were hungry? But she would. She really meant that trivial question. She was ready to help people any time in any situation which was one of the outstanding qualities that attracted people to her.

I don’t know how many times I have stayed back at her house not missing my parents. To reiterate how much of a big deal that is, there has never been a place other than her house where I have not missed my parents. I still remember the way she used to feed her little son and me the same way saying “Kha goda Kha. Khaye bina mein tumhe jane nahi de rahi”. Probably that was when I put up those few kilos :P She was a great company for anything – Chatting over Chai, watching a movie, cooking. Literally anything. Those 2 years of my life were the most fun-filled ones. There are no words to explain how much of a help she had been to my mom. More than a sister, More than a mother.

Finally when the day for her to leave to go back to “North India” arrived, I could not speak. But my tears did. It has been 12 years since that day now and I still miss you aunty. You were a magic that never fades.

One year of married life

One year is a long enough period to be important. To list out all the important years of my life

• The first year of my life which I don't remember but that does not take away its importance.
• The year I experienced school for the first time.
• Year spent preparing for the important exams of 10th ,12th and entrances.
• First year of job.
• First year of marriage.

Of all these, I bet the first year of marriage has been the one that has had a sea-change in my way of life, my outlook, my behavior, my attitude and to put it in two words- My life. So here goes lessons learnt in Marriage 101. That is how courses were named in my Engineering.

1. You will see new faces of the person you think you know. Take it as a learning rather than -"Oh I did not expect this". Marriage is full of surprises. Expect the Unexpected.
2. You are watched. Your independence and personal space shrinks. Take it as a blessing that you have someone to share every bit of your space rather than -"Oh God, I am suffocated." The more you share the space, the more you get as it easier to make someone realize your needs when you share and know each other well than laying down conditions and cribbing.
3. Formalities are bound to be there. You need to smile without reason, you need to enquire about well being even if you are not bothered, you need to act as expected. Take this as -" Free lessons to corporate world" than "Oh why do I need to do all this".
4. If you thought you were busy, you will only be busier. Clock ticks off with 50% work done. Take this as "Lessons in Time Management" than "Oh God I have time for nothing". Gradually you will get used to the busy schedule and steal your moments out of it.
5. Friends are seen more in Phonebook and Facebook than face to face. Take this as a test of strong and true friendship than " It is so bad that I dont get to meet my friends so often." True friends will always understand and stay with you. Moreover your spouse is a friend for life.
   
6. Your home is not yours anymore. This is probably the hardest facts to digest. You become a guest in the same place where you were born and brought up. Meeting your family becomes moments to steal than demand as a right. Slowly you realise that a half an hour spent with them was never enjoyed so much before. You value your people and the time with them more than anytime before in your life. Take this as "Realising the value of people" than "How dare someone can expect me not to meet my own people whenever I want!"
   
7. Your spouse comes before "Yes" to question. Whether it is a party,movie or even an official meeting. Take this as "An invisible hand regularizing your life" than "Oh I could not say yes on my own."

All said and done, Marriage is one of the most beautiful things to happen in ones life. It makes you less selfish and more giving. It makes you care and feel cared. It makes you feel important. It makes you more responsible and planned. It makes you more knowledgeable about human psychology. You are gifted for a life time a shoulder to lean on, hand to hold and trod the path of life, heart to live in and one whole person who is totally yours. Any other relationship in the world has the distinction of "You and me". This is one relationship where the distinction slowly fades into thin air.

God, Thank you for the life you have given me. I wait for more blessings that come with marriage in many more disguised forms.