Why would anyone want a male child instead of a female one? Is it the paternal system to blame where the parents are left with no one to rely on once the girl is married off? Or the multicrore marriage market where the parents have to spend all the earnings of their life on a day of hullabaloo? Or the rituals of Hinduism where the son is considered the sole owner of the right to set the pyre ablaze? Or the responsibility of protecting the white sheet of a girl's reputation from every black mark? Or the calculation of negative ROI on a girl's education and bringing up?
She could come up with counter arguments for every reason that is to be blamed. How many sons have stayed with parents till the end of life without moving out into nuclear families? What is the need to have a fancy wedding when all one needs is a marriage certificate to prove the marriage? Even if one needs to celebrate why cant both parties share the cost? Doesn't the daughter have strong enough hands to hold the funeral torch? Isn't the boy's reputation equally important for a girl to accept him? Cant the girl earn enough to take care of her parents in old age? But all these were just questions. At the end of the day she knew we haven't moved much further in India to answer these questions. Thanks to the randomness in nature. If everyone's wish to have a male child comes true, that would be the last generation in the world!
She remembered her friend at office sharing the happy news that she was expecting. - "Our daughter is three now. So we thought we could try again for a son. We went to Tirupati to offer prayers last week". She wondered - "Doesn't 22 years of education have any effect on the thought process? How long would these people try if the X chromosome triumphed every time? Isn't the risk more than reward for such people? Now I know how my friend at school had 3 sisters and a baby brother. This pattern is very common in Indian families where a set of girls is a followed by a boy." These realizations did not make her very comfortable but she moved on.
The day arrived when she held the little one in her arms and kissed "her". Yes the baby was a "Suputri". She was happy and sent an invite to her friends and relatives to celebrate the arrival of the new member of the family. There came her uncle with a dazzling gift in his hand. He looked at the baby and the baby smiled at him. He said - "DId you not have enough Saffron milk while you were carrying? She is not fair. You will have a tough time marryign her off." Her blood boiled to hear that comment and she retorted - " There is scientific evidence that saffron does not make any difference to baby's colour. If anything is responsible, it could be our genes and the genetic recombination. It could be you or your father or we can go back till Adam and Eve if you have enough time." His face turned red. Not that he was very fair for anyone to notice the redness. He left the place in fury. She did not bother to stop him. But she felt surprised about her new found strength to speak up. Thanks to her baby.
That night she thought lying on the bed - "Why this madness about fairness when nothing is fair about the fairer sex? Why the stress on marriage so early when the baby has just learnt to smile? Would there have been same comments if it was a boy?" She knew the answer. She looked at the little angel sleeping peacefully beside her unaware of the worldly complexities. She smiled with a tear in her eye. For the first time she wished that she had a boy. Not because of any of the reasons she knew about till that day but for the fact she knew that her girl would go through the Indian cycle of comments,comparison and unfairness. She brushed her tears away and decided with a strong resolve that she would protect her girl from all those people who wished she was a boy, from the ones who don't think she is fair or beautiful, from the ones who are reluctant to provide her the love she deserves, from all those who think "Girl is a liability". She would bring her up to be a confident woman who would break all myths.
When would that day come in India where foetal sex determination is no more a crime!
Disclaimer: All the characters in this post are are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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5 comments:
So Goda, now you know, how useful the 'disclaimers' can be. :)
I think it is more in the Indian mindset that all this process exists so. And believe me, people, wherever they are, are the morons of the highest order, and it takes a huge effort to change the society or people around you. Even if you do so, one critical situation and they are back to square one.
The best way out is to 'ignore' all the worthless morons. Am sure the first question you have is-'Who decides who is worthless?'. The answer is 'you' (or I). Ignore people or their comments if they exhibit their moron-ism or are not relevant.
And regarding fairness of fair sex, i think, there is a fundamental (Un)fairness in the way each gender itself is designed, and the beliefs or perceptions are millennia long things that are carried forward. No one needs to care about it.
I remember my good friend telling me once - if you are pained with the system, you either
1. Change the system
2. Live with it
3. Exit from there and find new options. (And you know the friend :))
rsp
Disclaimer: Though the talk appears to be suggesting 'you' something, it is the humans in general. Had I maintained the general whatever, the paras would have been longer n lost their meaning. :)
I remember, not too long ago, your hostel had a t-shirt that said, "The world is so unfair" on the front and "in our favour" on the back.
Times are changing. There is no need for any real or imaginary character to get upset about gender anymore. It doesn't entail any difference more than filling up an "M" or "F" on a form.
A 9-year old kid (gender irrelevant) goes to Dad and asks, "Daddy, what is sex?" Dad is alarmed and puts it all down to influence of bad television but spends 20 minutes patiently explaining it in terms that a kid would understand. At the end of it the kid asks, "That's very interesting Daddy, but what do I fill on this form next to 'Sex'?"
My experience has been that I've never been treated with less love for being a girl. Though I have observed that parents prefer having atleast one son. I think this is so that they have somebody to look after them when they get old..of course, daughters can look after parents too, but that's not how it's been in our culture. Having said that people prefer having atleast one son, I think they treat their sons/daughters with equal love and care. Regarding colour, people have commented as much about my brother getting dark as they have about me :)
Goda,
you blog reflected so many of my thoughts from all these years. It definitely brought in a tiny tear in my eye and touched every bit of my heart... Thanks :)
nice one Goda! As someone who has just given birth to a darling daughter, I can completely resonate with all the sentiments! Despite everything, it's still a beautiful world, that just got better with her arrival! I truly believe there are more free thinking, positive and open minded people out there today, than there were 20 years ago. So cheers to a happy parenting experience!
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