Random Thoughts

Usually I plan out what I am going to do next...But right now I dont know what I am going to type in the next few minutes...Recently I have started experimenting this out...I try to do things without planning to see whether they come out better, as my mind will be cooler and chilled out...last few months have been the coolest days in terms of my temper and mental condition...I have learnt to njoy smaller joys in life and not worry or peek too much into the future...I was impressed by the way some people live life chilled out hedonistically.....I have an appreciation for such people and their manners of managing life's routine activities...So i am trying to become one and appreciate myself too.....

Life is short yet we think and do things as if we will live forever ...we postpone things we can njoy at this moment and probably tell ourselves " right now let me struggle and once I reach position X I can do all these things in leisure....but when u reach position X u will tell the same thing with reference to position Z....Leisure is not something that will come in ur path...u need to move away from the routine path...take a break , njoy and get back reenergised.....But this does not happen because struggling for things somehow gets entrenched in our system due to what some elders teach us....now u r in school...Once u finish ur 10th and get a good percentage u will be a queen....u can do whatever u want....but that is not true ....after 10th ur next barrier is 12th....then ur graduation....My god where do we stop?.....obviously we cant ride a three wheeled cycle after finishing 10th!!

I have read this somewhere..." To live life fully u have to attend ur own funeral"....It has a lot of meaning...if u can imagine ur self dyign today u will realise what r the things u like to do and have never doen in ur life...and the thought that u cant do it again will be so unberable that it will make u do it...U can also imagine in ur funeral what r the things people will tell about u...have u been good to them?...could u ahve reconciled with that one friend u stopped talkign to...could u have been ncier to some people.....all these questions will improve ur way of life definitely.....

Life is a gift ...u need to live it the way u like to not succumbing to some immaterial pressures.....My thought process starts somewhere and ends somewhere else...This happens always...but I could bring out the point that life is to live it to teh fullest!!

Dreams

Dreams !!....There may hardly be a night or two in my whole life ( tracing back its beginning to the oldest times that got registered in my memory and still remain...which mark the beginning of my realisation of existence of GODA ... I feel this is what a person feels his age is too ... ) when I got up in the morning or afternoon as I do most of the times now and dont remember what I dreamt of in my sleep.....Dreams make up an important part of my life.... In dreams anything is possible....I have experienced that everydaythere a lot of things that I see, I do and hear.....atleast one of these things is somehow represented in the night's dream.....Different ideas get amazingly linked in the dream....Some of my dreams have made me wonder at the presence of mind shown even in the dreams...

It was the night of Dec 31st , 1999.....I had intentions of waking up early ( once in a blue moon)....as it would be a special dawn ---- milennium sunrise!!...(I think I can change 'once in blue moon' to 'once in a milennium')....In my dream that night I went up to the terrace and waited eagerly to see the sun emerging from behind the trees and also watch nature's abstract art in hues of orange, red and black....But to my surprise the night sky became brighter and brighter and finally transformed into what I can call morning .....I could not see the sun.....I cant believe that I realized in my dream itself that I was facing the west like a moron....Then I actually got up at 5 30 after that dream....I went to the same place and waited for the sunrise this time facing east...but more than the sunrise, what lingered on in my mind and what makes me think even today is this influence of intelligence on dreams.....

I seem to have this beautiful control over my dreams....My mind is always alert even when I am dreaming....It is so realistic and very much related to my daily life unlike the accounts of dreams I have heard from my friends.....I have always been a dreamer....I imagine things and incidents that can make me happy and live in the false world that I build......If you venture to watch me without my knowledgewhen I am alone, u can often find me singing and talking to people in my false world.....though those people actually exist in the real world I give a totally new character to those people in my dream world......These people are always a part of my night dreams too...There are many things in life we cannot do because we r not the sole controllers of incidents that happen in our lives.....but dreams provide a medium to experience the pleasure we would get if things happened as we would want them to happen....U may wish to play see saw in a park even now.....but u wont....u r a grown up person and u would feel conscious to actually go to a park and play.....This is just an example...There are many things in our life we would like to do....but just because we r not " supposed" to do according to the people who make up our society.....So the members of the society just prohibit each other from doing certain things and indirectly raising the bar for themselves...A likes to dance on the road and B,C,D feel it is stupid to do so...So A does not do it.....and similarly what B likes to do may nto be approved by A C and D.....but in our dreams there is no society.....no one to tell u something should not be done....Dreams are nothing but the activation of certain neurons......so if u r playing see saw in a park in ur dream u can actually feel it through all senses....u can feel the iron seat ....the wind blowing against ur face ....and ur body experiencing the acceleration......( if U r an intense dreamer).....After all in both cases whether u do it really or think of it in the dream all ur body can experience is the action of ur neurons......

U can feel the touch of a person miles away......U can have hours of chit chat with people u wanna talk to.....In reality u may not even say ' Hi'...But in ur dreams they will be very compatible to u....because after all it is U controlling their behaviour with u too......so the dream world has lot more happiness, pleasure and satisfaction in store for u because....it is constructed by U....U r th creator.....

One of the things I enjoy most is DREAMING......DREAM DREAM DREAM......it improves ur mental helath by providing vent to ur feelings and frustrations....by fulfilling ur unsaid desires......and making u a more satisfied person....and someone has said..." Dream is the first step to succeed..." so I dont mean the night dreams only....every moment when u r working u r in fact dreaming of its success ...watching ur goal and moving towards it......Dreams form an important part of human existence...

The touch of gratitude

A bank is a place where money flows in and out, customers come and go but occasionally some customers tend to develop good rapport with the officials in the bank and one such event lays the foundation to the story I am going to narrate. It is important to mention here that my father was a bank official who gradually started speaking to a customer who came to the bank every month to collect a $100 check. On one of my periodic mischievous ventures to the bank to do role play as the manager in his absence, I got an opportunity to listen to that customer who made me embody gratitude as the basic plus point in my character just by narrating his personal experience in a laconic way. And here begins his experience which is translated into a story as narrated by him….

"Seeing an old man who waits for the Government pension every month end coming to the bank to collect $ 100 check without fail, I am sure you have assumed that my son staying abroad and is sending it to me as it is considered a son’s duty to take care of his parents. But let me tell you, I don’t have children. But the story of this $100 check dates back to 1975 when I was still working as a Government clerk. I had gone to a post office to send a telegram to my sister when I saw a charming young boy at the entrance badly searching for something and I could make out from his facial expression that it was nothing more than a wild goose chase. But I don’t usually approach anyone and delve into their personal matters and therefore I carried on with my work. It is unbelievable that out of around 50 people moving here and there in the big post office that boy chose to come to me. I don’t look that social and approachable, do I? He came to me and said "Excuse me, sir". The voice was anxious and apprehensive, he seemed completely demented. I gestured vaguely that I was ready to listen to him as it is human to do so when a person seems to be in trouble. He continued speaking with his hands trembling in nervousness. It was making me believe that he had a genuine problem. He said, "Sir, My name is Ramu and I have just completed my B tech and I wish go abroad for my higher studies. I have to send the application today so that it reaches before the last date. I had 20 Rs in my wallet which I lost on the way. As it is closing time now, I will not be able to get the money before the time. I am really in a very helpless situation. Can you please lend me Rs 15? I shall definitely return it to you if you give me your address"

I am a skeptical person and don’t believe things easily and as the world is getting worse everyday I find it hard to trust anyone. Fifteen rupees was not a negligible amount at that time. Yet I thought for a minute. As the time was running out I decided that Rs 15 can be earned by me easily; if it is helping someone it is good to spend for such a cause and even if this guy is lying to me, it is fine as it is not a very big amount for an earning man. So I took out Rs15 from my pocket and handed it over to him. His eyes reflected happiness, unlimited joy, gratitude and hope. For that one moment I felt so good about myself for bringing happiness into someone’s life. And after that he pestered me to give my address to him and I gave it to him hesitantly. Later I walked out even without being vigilant to check whether the money was used for the purpose he mentioned.

Neither the amount nor the duration of the incident was remarkable for me to give persistent thought to it and I happily forgot about it. I remember to have doubted the genuineness of that guy a couple of times when I did not get that Rs 15 back. The incident was so evanescent that it did not occur to me even when I received an air mail about two and a half years later. I did not have any clue as to who would have sent it to me. I had no friends or relatives abroad. I opened the envelope eagerly and found a letter in a beautiful handwriting that showed maturity and good organization. I read through very fast at the end of which a tear or two rolled down my cheeks. It was the same boy who was completely erased out of my memory, the same boy whom I had considered insincere on not getting back my money, the same boy who had respected me and worshipped me throughout those two and a half years when he was doing his post graduate studies. He had written to me as soon as he had got a stable job. Believing that he remembered me was far, I could not even accept the fact that he had preserved my address which I had given him that day in the post office on a piece of paper that had very less lifetime left. I realized that he must have written it down in an important diary or a notebook with the intention of thanking me some day as that paper would not have existed so long. The very realization that he intended to be thankful to me touched my heart.

I felt like reading the letter again as I had just glanced through it in a hurry. Those words were so sincere and heartfelt. He had written,

"Sir, I am sorry that I could not return your money for this long as I had to make arrangements to leave after that day and was very busy with it. I am indebted to you throughout my life for the crucial help you did. If it was not for your kindness, I would not have been sitting here in this office in such an honored position today. I know that what you have done to me cannot be redeemed. Still I shall make my effort by being there for you whenever you need for whatever reason. You can count on me in any situation in your life. I am giving my Phone number and address. I don’t know anything about you, except that you are a very kindhearted person. I don’t know about your family, your financial status or your likes and dislikes. I want to do something for you for my satisfaction. If you give me your account number in a bank, I shall send $100 every month to you. Please don’t think that I am degrading you by sending money. I have a lot of respect for you. You can think of me as the small squirrel that did its share of work in the mega task of building a bridge for Rama in the Ramayana. It is just a small way of expressing my gratitude from miles away. If you agree to this please let me know.

Yours sincerely

Ram

After reading this letter I wiped my tears with a smile. I got an assurance that being childless is not a disadvantage as long as such people still exist in this world. And now you have guessed that it is the same person who sends me $100 cheque every month. The value of dollar may go up and down, but the value that I hold in his heart shall always remain the same. I am proud of myself for changing the turn of someone’s life by my small action and I am sure he too likes himself for being a grateful person. Such small things really make you feel good about yourself as well as others."

I listened to him with astonishment and I remember that I hardly blinked my eye. His story was really an eye-opener for me. And can you believe it? I have a small diary in which I have written the names of all those people whose little acts of kindness have contributed in changing the course of my life significantly. It gives me a sense of well being. I realized that day that acts of kindness and gratitude touch heart instantly.

The arms that cuddled with Love

Now this is something I wrote long back for a Magazine but it was not selected...so I publish it myself here...

The arms that cuddled with Love are stretched pleading for the same...

"Blogspot" provides a platform to give lyricism to feelings and thoughts dwelling in the heart of hearts, to render the beauty of words to our contemplation, meditation and introspection. As an adolescent of fifteen sitting in a clinic where my mother had gone for a check up, I started deliberating on this issue. This whole contemplation was kindled by a few words written on a poster hanging on the wall. The words went like this-"If you think SOMEBODY is a burden to you today, DON’T FORGET you were a burden to that SOMEBODY in the past and you will be a burden SOMEBODY else in the future." These words made me think hard to decipher who that SOMEBODY was and it was only a matter of seconds and I realized that the person who said these words was referring to two people by "SOMEBODY". Two people who are indispensable for your whole existence in this beautiful world. They are the ones, who introduce you to the world by giving you a name, by giving you your identity. Mother is the one who carries you in her womb for nine whole months embracing every hardship that she encounters, every pain that she suffers from, absolutely for you to come to this earth. Your father is the one who holds your hand and helps you in taking your first steps, in bouncing back every time you fall learning to walk into the grand entrance of your life. The lives of parents change when their entire dreams and aspirations take the human form. Every decision they take thereafter is touched by you – the privileged life-affirming person in their life. They see their dreams live through you. The subtle sacrifices they make for your sake may go unnoticed several times but the fact that their love is the most unconditional is carved in stone.

It is very unfortunate that old age homes are filled with such "once upon a time" loving parents who spent all their life insuring their children against the forces of evil and the necessity for insuring their own life was expunged by their enormous love for their offspring. The same child who was the apple of their eye a few years back has orphaned them after growing up. I wonder how a person can hesitate to even feed the same people whose hands fed him in the past. The same people who slogged their guts out for his education, for his progress. Why does one kick the ladder after reaching the pinnacle? This is not an imagination as the large number of old age homes which exist are a proof of this. Why does one not realize that life not only evolves but also revolves like a wheel where the person at the top has to go through the stages where he too gets crushed between the wheel and the hard land? The glory days are ephemeral.

I have personally come across families where retirement marks the end of all happiness, freedom and respect for the parents. They are then doomed to depend on their children who consider them as burden and suffer humiliation and insult. They have to put their heads down which they had always lifted up till that point in life. There are instances where a father cannot even make a phone call without his son’s permission; a mother cannot cook what the current BOSS of the house dislikes. How can a person forget the reality of life that everyone has to go through every stage in life? When the parents never treated them as dependents earlier in life and instead made their children the prince and princess of the house why should they be a sentenced to a life filled with insult, sorrow and disparagement? Does money make man forget his responsibilities, his duties? Is the extensive world filled with cut throat competition where people are racing to outsmart each other shrinking at the level of moral values and sentiments? I fail to understand why a person who can support his wife and his children thinks twice before spending a hundred rupee note for his father’s medicine. The increasing number of nuclear families may be due to several factors like job opportunities in big cities, education, money etc but this escapism from responsibility towards parents is definitely a factor.

Parents are also human beings and as it is said "To err is human". Due to generation gap there may be issues on which the elderly differ, they may also make mistakes and be emotionally unstable due to old age. But all these are microscopic when compared to the amount of love they always showered on the pieces of their heart that they allowed to walk out by having children. So the younger generation needs to realize that there is no need for old age homes where humanity exists, where love exists, where responsibility, duty, sentiments and gratitude are given prime importance. Finally at the end of our lives when our entire life flashes in front of us we should rather feel proud about the way we kept the two important people in our life happy and not be guilty of making the people who loved us suffer. So I urge the youth to take an oath of being responsible and giving care and love that our parents deserve.