My realisations

Human mind is very dynamic and restless; especially mine which refuses to rest even when I am sleeping. It constantly fights to make its presence known through dreams when I am sleeping, imagination of situations and thoughts when I am alone and awake. Even when I am speaking to a person, the mind is working in the background simultaneously which is what is responsible for me having opinions on others. And often due to this continuous activity and generation of what we call thoughts, I travel to places I have never seen, solve problems I have never faced and may not face ever, experience circumstances which may never happen and realise stuff that has changed my attitude towards life, my daily life and behaviour.

The thought process of human mind is responsible for the changes we find in people and appreciate or complain saying " He is not the same now". Many people say that it is due to the environment, society and what not. But the necessary link in all this is the human mind. It is because of this that two people growing in the same house may be drastically different because they do not have the same mind and hence not the same way of absorbing , assimilating and realising things from the abovementioned factors. So i thought it is a good idea to write down all that I think when I am alone observing my surroundings, sitting in front of a comp, walking on the footpath and even when I lie awake on bed at nights waiting to get sleep....So all that follows is an incoherent set of realisations and thoughts without any continuity. The only link is that I have thought about all these things.

The belief in one single sentence can spoil a person's peace of mind and way of life. I have always believed..." Anything can happen anytime"....But it has made me so different from my peers. It makes me think of all the negative possibilities before going ahead with something and think of a way out of every negative possibility even before any problem arrives.... It never happens and all the energy I put in thinking could have been used for something else....I have been branded as a pessimist for doing that...But can a person be positive always....How can u be cautious without thinking of a negative possibility?....People say I am overcautious.....But when I want to do something really well first thing that comes to my mind is what if I fail!...The dreadful scene of me failing in it keeps me on my toes to work for success...Now can I call it as a pessimism leading to optimal results.....I know that there is a problem with what I do...But it is so involuntary....I dont make any efforts to think all this....My mind does not stop just like a clock ticking away.... But my point is why not take precautions against negative when u can?...and this will not happen if u dont have the ability to think of the negative possibilities....so this involuntary activity in mind has both been a friend and a foe to me......It does not allow me to sleep at nights......me lying idle on the bed think of my parents.....their old age ...their health.....my future.....my education....my health.....my friends future......and the list goes on.....and why is that I think of negative possibilities and spoil a peaceful sleep that the other part of the world is enjoying....?

Sometimes some sights can never get erased from ur memories and come back to u again and again ...... For me it is the sight from the corridor when I was walking on it in a hospital and I peeped into the wards......I started thinking....Old age is such a bane.....however strong people r in youth ...how muchever they fight for success and gain fame and name....this body is such a fragile piece fo flesh and bones which deserts the person .....once he is on the bed dependent on people who at that point of time are in his past situation.....life looks like hell.....his own hands and legs dont do what he wants them to.....needles pricking him all over his veins disguised as energy sources for his waning body..... all he does is stare at the activity of nurses and doctors and helplessly wondering whether everone has to experience what he is doing some day...... This sight has stayed in my mind and it shouts and tells me everytime.... Life is not a bed of roses....Most of the people experience what u r seeing.....be happy now that u r in a better situation presently.....but this positive feeling is immediately struck by something very harsh...." there is lot of age difference between u and the people who have been a part of ur life all this while----- ur parents , ur grandparents, ur aunts and uncles.....so u may see them going through these stages.....and that is not very far also"......I feel miserable that time as if I have no reserve of enthu left in me.....I go home and look at my parents and feel better.....I pray whenever I look at them..." Oh god! I dont wanna see all this with people I love so much ".....but is it realistic to pray so? can it happen?

There are always some situations where u realise that how many ever people care for u...how many ever people love u......you have to face it all alone and get out of it.....just like how u came to this world and how u r gonna leave it.....But I have one more belief that if u r brought to the entrance of something u will definitely exit that too....When the balance is maintained at the world level through borth and death.....it will definitely be maintained for a small system like the situation u get into...Given enough time everything falls to place.....If u look back and see all that u have cried for in your past---- may be a doll in nursery, a pencil in nursery, an exam in school, a friend in adolescence......It does not hold any important place in your present life.....U got into a problem and u came out of it...u got attached to something and u came out of it....so everything is a phase..... It is like waiting for the milk to curdle so that u can have sweet curd next day....

I sometimes wonder how my mind can oscillate between so many positive and negative thoughts...Is that called balance?....Life would have been good if everyone was open...there was no need to differentiate between what has to be spoken out and what not...who has to be treated formally and who need not be..... I dont know much about animnal society...but i know this thing for sure that there life is far less complicated.....All the complications that arise in our lives is just paying compensation for the intelligence that we humans have been endowed with.....No man is free...there is always something that holds him back......no person would have done everything that he wanted to.....but people who call themselves free would have just transferred the restrictions to their own minds and say that they are actually acting according to their own rules....the transition time is not accounted for.....

Love is a beautiful feeling but it is problematic when two people love each other too much also.....Issues of possesiveness, personal space creep in......or they think each of them understand othe other so much that there is no need to say anything that they used to...It slowly turns into " used to love each other ".....There is need to express.....it is something like a plant growing.....but do we stop watering a plant just because it has grown fully....?

These discrete thoughts shall continue......and spread to social, psychological and other fields in future posts......I shall stop it here now.....