Poll result

88% of the females prefer standing and taking bath.* So I have proved my mom wrong and myself right. \:D/ Well, did I reveal something I had promised to after knowing the results?

My blog title has lived up to its name. 9 people voted for this poll which my school teacher would have declared as utter nonsense and joblessness.

I thank all the people who voted from the bottom of my stomach. [ I thought I could go deeper:D] I shall keep the jobless polls coming and you keep voting. Lets wait for my mom's next claim.

* I am making a basic assumption that all the people who voted are females. Sorry if there were some males who know their girl friends too well :D. Nothing to be ashamed of. Its good. Thumbs up! I like that spirit.

Business partnering

Now don't tell me of all the websites freely available you found this one to get some business knowledge. (Well, may be at the end of this post you will become an entrepreneur, but thats a different issue )

Introduction:

Shaadi.com - Does that ring a bell on what I am writing about. It would have, considering the fact that it is a very difficult task to find greater "Bulb" than me.

"COM" it is. All of us turn into entrepreneurs when we start dealing with this whole business of matrimony. Do you agree with me? Let us try looking at the business process.

Business Decision:

Is this the appropriate time to start the business ?

Output :

---------> NO ---------> Shut up and study! :D

---------> YES -------->Lets become entrepreneurs :(.



Business process:

Stage 1

Data collection

• Name ( Who cares! May be numerologists will)
• DOB ( Decides if it is an uncle or a friend)
• Family members ( Of course you need to talk business with them!)
• Job and Salary ( Deciding factor for future investments)
• Gotram, Nakshatram and Kundali ( I think all businesses start on a "supposed to be" auspicious day under "supposed to be" auspicious conditions)
• Phone numbers and mail ids ( for initiation of business negotiations)

This can be outsourced to agencies that work only during humanly hours.

Stage 2

Filtering of data

• Min Max bound on DOB for long term business partnering [ Uncles may reach heavenly abode soon! :( ]
  
• Maximization of expected revenues based on job and salary ( I bet the shopping rate of girls needs that!)
• Max bound on number of family members ( Similar to our nations objective - Lower the population, the better! :D Mera Bharath Mahan)
  
• Maximization of points in Kundali matching. [When unknown is an ocean you tend to believe corporation water :)].
  

Stage 3

Contact initiation

The conversation goes something like this.

*BOC*.

Mami/Mama (Ladies first!) no 1 : Is it Mr ***** ? [that was not a bad word. I just bulbed recalling some name. :D It could be a bad word in the later stages. Not during contact initiation].


Mami/Mama no 2 : Yes....

Mami/Mama no 1: I got your contact from something.com/ something services/ some arbit person and I would like to talk regarding an alliance that I propose.


Mami/Mama no 2 : Why don't you email the horoscope and photos? We can talk after that.

*EOC*.


Stage 4

Data transfer through electronic means

Hello,

Attached are the photo, horoscope and biodata of my daughter Goda.D.R (for example).


Regards,

Mami/Mama



Stage 5

Data Analysis by the partnering company

Thats a black box to me. So don't ask!

Stage 6

Response

Let me show you some examples here.

Example 1

Mami/Mama,

We have received the horoscope and the photo. We'll take it up further and get back to you.

Regds,

Mami/Mama


Cycle time ----> infinity

Example 2

Dear Mami/Mama

Very Sorry. We are looking for a girl more than 5.5" height as my son's height is 6.1".

All the best for your daughter.

Thanks and Regards,

**** ( NO disclaimers here)

WT*

OK, We shall analyze this in a later post.

Example 3

Dear Mami/Mama

We are happy to inform you that the horoscopes have matched and we would like to meet your family soon.

Awaiting your response

Mami/Mama


Stage 7

Meeting Conference

Agenda of the conference

• The delicious Upma/Coffee combo table service. [Caution: Buffets are considered more of an insult than informality].
• Formal inquiries
  
• Wide smiles. [Reminds me of Chandler's work laugh]
• Presentation of previous annual results and future forecasts of performance.
• Expectation review
• Arrival at consensus on date of future communication

Stage 8

Future communication

Will tell you how it is when that happens. :D

Stage 9

Sign of contract

Some people call it engagement. You take pics and also flaunt your deal by inviting people who are more bothered about grub than you. So better serve good grub for good publicity.

Stage 10


Start of business and End of business too :)

Exponential variations!

Bad picture quality.... But makes sense!

Side effects of bulbing!

If you are a normal human being then what does bulb mean to you?

"Source of artificial light that works by incandescence"

If you are a biologist?

"Underground vertical shoot that has modified leaves used as food storage organs"

Enough of knowledge transfer from wiki to blogspot. Coming to the point- what would a bulb mean to you if you are from IIT Madras?

"Hmmm.. Ahem... Grr.... Well, it has become so much a part of my language that I cant find the definition in English :D. Let me try. It would be a person like me who cannot grasp obvious things fast which results in late realizations"

Note: That does not tell anything about my grasping power, intelligence or speed. It can be thought of as a side effect of high grasping power, intelligence bla bla bla which leads to such a symptom when all these great attributes take a nap. :) [ Ah ! I love that explanation]

So now I am going to give you an example of side effect of a side effect :D

I got a new Sony Ericson 810i mobile with my bonus. Don't be under the assumption that my bonus= price of the mobile.
Reasons:

1. Bonus amount is supposed to be confidential. Even if you are assuming something please please please forget it! I am not supposed to reveal something here.
2. Mobile prices are very dynamic now a days. That gives me some relief. :) Now I can keep the month of bonus to myself :D in case you are very interested and find out the price of the mobile in that month. OK I hear that. You said something like "What nonsense!". Cool then I happily move on.

I spend some days with earphones adorning my ears all the time. Then I shift to the other functionality. Yes, the camera. I become self obsessed and click away pics to glory. And then comes the time to flaunt all those pics.

Status :" Process completed successfully"

[Before I go to the feedback section, some background required. I am obsessed with one more thing in life. The beautiful emoticons that various IM services provide. I love them and I call all of them smileys irrespective of what they emote. Someone sometime back told me that using emoticons in official conversations is considered as "unprofessional". ]

Feedback: This is where you will have the fun of side effects.


Mr XYZ ( On a professional conversation) : So when do we get to discuss the next steps?


Miss Goda ( In not so professional mood) : Let us think together and discuss the same on monday face to face :)


Mr XYZ : Ok That sounds good.


Mr XYZ again ( On shifting to a not so professional conversation which I bulbed to notice!) : Your display pic looks good. BTW > you need not put smileys.


Miss Goda ( Bulbing) : Oh I am sorry. You dont like smileys? ( Cursing herself for performing an unprofessional act!)


Mr XYZ ( Giving up on her heights of bulbing and the forcing situation to explain ): I meant your display pic itself is like a smiley.

Miss Goda ( Realizing that she bulbed) : Oh Thanks. [ Subconsciously :-|]


Ok Ok. Had a loud hearty laugh? Fine. It happens. Especially when you are not used to getting frequent compliments. :D

The side effect of it all is you feel "Oh shit!" even after getting a compliment.

Titleless- for suspense

Warning : Don't read this post if you are not in a mood for some dose of sentiment. I wont feel bad :). Quite Possible if you are in India and you watch movies.

Why am I writing it? Because my father asked me to. You may give me a Colon O [:O] look after reading it. So don't stuff anything now lest it falls out of your mouth.

1. You forget to think what you are getting or what you are spending when you find out what makes that person happy.
2. Your blood boils when you hear anybody speak ill of that person or hurt that person.
3. You are filled with tears when you think of a day when that person is not going to be with you and you dread that day.
   
4. Any kind of fight, you end up feeling you are at fault and you try to make up and probably tell "Sorry".
5. You get concerned when that person's health is screwed up and you put efforts to make him/her the healthiest person on earth ( may be in vain, but you do).
6. You feel prouder than for your own achievement when he/she is appreciated.
7. This or this if remotely related to the person can make you miss him/her in absence.Well, if you are wondering what I am trying to say, you could take it as "top to bottom". ( Disclaimer* - I am not endorsing anything)
   
8. You don't feel like cribbing about the person even in the warashht situations to anyone. So any opposition you have just stays internal and you suffer.

:O . Hmm I expected it. Basically my father wanted to know what is all this fuss about love! And of course, it is not only for a romantic relationship. He wanted me to write on general Love I perceive. I guess the points hold good for anyone - your dad mom hubby wiffy ( new term coined for wife).

Going by the popular perception that senti stuff are boring to read, if you did not like this and still ended up reaching this point, well it does not matter. You can come back for my next post and check out because I am not a consistent person. Who knows! next post may be better.

See ya... I am calling my father to have a look now.

Koi Nahi Mila

Random Thought #2

Thought : You should marry when you get pimples to marry off children when you get wrinkles.

Explanation: Not required

Reason : Tried to give a thought to mother's advice. :D

Proofless!

As we grow up we have to face the Government offices again and again to escape identity crisis. It all goes in a circle. You need an address proof to get a passport and instructions read - You can submit your DL, Ration card, Voter's ID . To get a DL you need an address proof again which says- You can submit Passport,Ration card and Voter's ID and I am sure you don't want me to repeat it for the Voter's ID.( Why such a craze for address proof in a country where many are homeless ?)

*Sigh* My family does not have a ration card and I am caught in this vicious circle not knowing where to start!

I started off with a Bank Passbook ( Thanks to my father who told it can be used) and can you believe it? I still do the rotations and revolutions in various Government offices like planet earth with the same passbook :(.

I have this famous track record of never getting the work done the first time at any Govt office. I am sure it is not a great record because there will be thousands like me ( Forgot the greater numbers taught at school:D).

1. Passport- the file goes missing and delivery of the passport is delayed by 2 months!I get it for my hostel address where I live only for an year and after that again I am address proofless!
   
2. Driving License-I fail the LL test when I go personally :( but pass the DL test directly second time when I go through a driving agency. Again for a temporary address I don't live in now :(.
   
3. Voter's ID- Power cut when my photo has to be taken and on another day I get a Voter's ID with the wrong address ( I am destined not to have an address proof) which needs to be corrected in the second round where my photo will be taken again. Aah I feel like a model :D.
4. PAN card- For some strange reason they don't print address on the card :(.
   

God gave me a beautiful home, but I need to keep proving to everyone :(. I would like to thank Ammembal Subbarao Pai. Wondering who that is? He is the founder of Canara Bank in which I have the account that has been with me through all these ups and downs.

Random thought #1

Thought : Pleasure of sex is greater than pain of delivery in magnitude.


Explanation: People go for more than one child. May be it is because pleasure is for two and pain for one :-?



Reason : Watched a program on National Geography today.

Mother's day

Second Sunday of May is the day to honor all the mother's in the world. Thats today! Wow. I did not remember it till I got my brush in the hand to clean up my teeth today. I got out of slumber suddenly and the bulb lit up.

I immediately rushed through rest of the process and went up to my mother and tried to be cute saying -"Happy Mother's day, Mummy" and then I could see tears of happiness in her eyes and it got all mushy. She hugged me tight and kissed me [:-*]. Damn! My teacher told me in school I should stop day dreaming. Well, all those things in Italics was my day dream. She said - " Stop calling me Mummy. It means dead-body!" [:O]

Ok now I said "Happy Mother's day Amma" in our own sweet native language and asked her
-" So what do you want for Mother's day? Shall I buy you a new mobile?" OK, may be my dream would come true now[:)] She said
-" Why cant you show all this love daily? Should someone somewhere in the world declare publicly when you should love your mom?"

That makes sense. I have learnt a lesson today.

There is no special day to say "I love you" and express it. Do it everyday like you brush your teeth. And the result would be great - A heartfelt Colgate smile [:D]

(Wait a sec! Was that Pepsodent? I never observe it you know. I am always sleepy when I brush and I don't buy stuff for home. Me the Lazy bum!)

Thanksgiving

OK I hear that and I agree that it is not October in Canada or November in US . Come on! We are in India! [You can see the "d" because of my favorite pink background :)]. That does not mean I can celebrate it in May. Moreover I am a pure vegetarian and hence

" No Turkey Business"

Then next question - " Why this post?" and the answer is " Generally" :D

Now that we are set for Thanksgiving let me start by making it clear that here " I am the post creator and hence I will be giving away all the thanks to God". You can do it after reading the whole thing. ( if u feel like)

I shall start with the highest intensity of Thanksgiving and go down the lane so that when u finish reading you'll feel light again like you are doing now.


Scene 1: Physiotherapy centre

I shall start of saying "Thanks" to you for raising those eyebrows wondering if something is wrong with me. Chill! I am fine. I had been there with mom for her treatment. I also got to meet this 25 year old fair and beautiful ( they don't go together always) girl waiting for treatment. My first blame was towards the long sitting hours in AC offices which could screw up your backbone. But I soon realized that was not the reason why she was here. She was a victim of "Muscular dystrophy" . Yes I too remembered Vidya Balan from Guru. But here there was no Madhavan to love her and take care. Her parents though very rich never found peace of mind because of this. She cant sit straight and her spinal cord is totally useless now. She always needs help for the basic things we do with ease like urinating. Being a girl I tried to imagine what she would do during those days which are advertised as " way to freedom" by Shhhh ( Whisper - if you did not catch the euphemism).

I don't dare to describe her problems any further. It is very depressing.

I thank GOD for giving me an intact spinal cord !!


Scene 2: A road on the way to office

I am running late to office. You may ask me how is it possible in the era of Fle?i timings ( that ? is x which became too fle?ible). Well, it all depends on how your teammates are -early birds or late lathiefs.
On the way I see a house ( I am not sure if I can call it a house because all it had were three walls - two of bricks and one of mud and a roof of dried up coconut leaves). Immediately my mind thinks of the time when Bangalore was flooded due to imbalances in nature created by man. It should have been terrible! What are they doing? Brushing teeth with some coal and bathing in dirty water? Are they cleaning themselves up or making themselves dirty! Should I mention how they would eat?
God! How could I crib about the hefty salary I am paid?

I thank GOD for making me capable of meeting the basic necessities of food, house and hygiene :)

Scene 3 : Diagnostic center

Ok Ok. Again nothing wrong with me. Its my mom again. She had to go through a blood test. Now it is not about any of the patients there. Let us think "Out of the Dabba" ( I hear it too often now a days). It is about the people who conduct those tests in the lab. I talk to a person to find out his " job profile". He comes at 7 am in the morning traveling 10 km to this center and he is welcomed by whole lot of SHIT. Yes, I mean it in the literal sense. He has to examine hundreds of different stool samples and he does it the whole day. So he gets to have his lunch break, evening tea everything in between. I think how could anyone aspire for or choose such a career and within seconds my "SANE" head bangs me on my head ( outer surface) and says " Stupid! Do you think he would if he had the freedom to do anything better?" Roti, makan, kapada ke liye kuch bhi karna padtha hai. Ab to aadat pad gayi hogi.

I thank God for giving me a job that I enjoy ( I may not express it always !) and can do sitting at home or in an AC room.


I don't have a favorite number. So I don't stick to the same number of points. You need not expect 5 because of my previous blog or 4 because of the previous previous .. n times blog! There is always suspense [:D]. I decide to stop with three scenes :)

Now that I am done, you can start your Thanksgiving.

"Happy Thanksgiving "

Only Love is Real

Wondering how I got romantic after Chicken Pox? No, it is not a side effect of the antivirals I took. But I can say it is a consequence of Chicken Pox because how else on earth could I get so much time to read this book titled "Only Love is Real"? I swear even I had not heard of it before. :) It was not all that great that I talk about it in a post. But there were some lines which can switch on some romantic switches in you. So without wasting time I am going to copy those lines here.

1. Destiny dictates meeting of soulmates. We will meet them. But what we decide to do after meeting falls in the province of choice or freewill.A wrong choice or a missed chance can lead to incredible loneliness and suffering. A right choice, an opportunity realized can bring us profound bliss and happiness.

Not so romantic is n't it? May be I can call it a foundation stone :)

2. Soul recognition may be immediate. A sudden feeling of familiarity of knowing this person at depths far beyond what the conscious mind could know. At depths usually reserved for intimate family members. Intuitively knowing what to say, how they will react. A feeling of safety and a trust far greater than could be earned in one day or one week or one month.

I don't seem to be moving ahead from foundation :(

3. Passion in a relationship cannot be artificially created. There can be respect, and there can be compassion, but the chemistry has to be there from the start.

Hmm.. Started talking about Chemistry haan :)

4. It is delusional to believe that this passion, this soul recognition and attraction will be easily found again with one more person. You do not run into such a soulmate everyday, perhaps only once in a lifetime. Listen to your heart, to your own intuitive wisdom when making important decisions, especially when deciding about a gift of destiny, such as a soulmate. If you rely exclusively on the advice of others you may make terrible mistakes. Your heart knows what you need.Your heart will find it inconceivable that you will not be together.

Hmm.. some dose of Hindi movie dialogues :)

5. When your intuitions, your gut feelings, your spiritual heart all know beyond any doubt, do not be swayed by fear based arguments of others. Sometimes meaning well and sometimes not, they might lead you far astray from your joy.


May be.....

At the end of it, it was not all that romantic :(
I don't know why I felt so while reading the book.

Chicken Pox for the Soul

Ladies and Gentlemen! I am back like a Phoenix after staying away from BLOGSPOT for some time now. There is a small difference though. :) Phoenix comes back from ashes but I am back from the crusts of Chicken Pox however gross that may sound. It is said " Truth is always bitter " but it can be gross too sometimes you see. Since I am back I would like to start the resurrected [Seems like GRE prep is helping :)] blog with a bulleted list of things that Chicken pox taught me in life. Sounds interesting? If not you can stop reading here and move on to an alternate tab in your firefox browser. [ If you are not one of those outdated IE fans :) *]

1. Things take their own time baby! Patience!

"Ah this is chicken pox". The Doctor said with an air of confidence as soon as he saw the blisters on my hand. " No need to worry. Rest of the blisters will come up in another 5 days and then crust and fall. You don't have to do anything except taking some antivirals. You better don't do anything. If you try to scratch, break the water bubble or pull the crust, it might leave a scar!" Does not that sound terrifying for an Indian girl yet to be married ? :"> [ If you did not get what that is, it is an emoticon showing me blush ]
So there started my week of idleness and vettiness personified making me arrive at this macro theory about life. You will have to wait for the dark clouds of problems you feel helpless about to move away. No use trying to meddle with them and turning them into a permanent worry. Just be calm and wait for them to pass on. As someone said - " This too will pass". All problems are like blisters of chicken pox which appear and then go away. You just have to wait with patience. I bet you did not like the comparison. But you know you cant help it if you are still reading it. This too shall pass :D because we move to the next point.

2. Keep it short!

That was not for my blog. No way! I am not keeping this post short. May be next time! The point I am trying to make here is it is very common for people to shoot a formal question to you when they call you or meet you. " How are you ? " if they do not know you are unwell and " How are you feeling now? " if they already know it. Poor souls. What else can you expect them to ask? But do you really think they are interested in your details of experience of illness ( Chicken pox in this case) ? I bet for a big "NO". So keep it short and learn to say " I am feeling better". That would make both of you comfortable. You would not want someone to hang up or get out and think -" Why the hell did I ask?", would you?
* This rule applies to all kinds of illness that affect human species

3. Your Share is yours!

Wondering what this means? If you are, my intention of writing the title in a cryptic way ( if you can call it so ) is successful :). If not, OK lets move on.
How many ever people you have surrounding you, helping you out, running up and down to get things done for you, Baby! it is real/cruel world. You must go through your share of pain. You cant give it away and there is no alternative. I am not preaching about KARMA here. Hmm May be something like that. Stating this principle at a macro level would look something like this - " YOU CANT ESCAPE WHAT YOU ARE BOUND TO GO THROUGH. THERE IS NO LUCKY BUSINESS".

4. Stop cribbing !

Yes, I am saying this. you can pinch yourself painlessly twice :). OK since you are done, I can rephrase it. It is very painful to be idle all day. So better enjoy the busy schedule you have and appreciate it. Next time I meet you neither of us will say - " I am sick of my hectic schedule". Done? Can you believe I got jealous of people slogging out at my office? I did :) Of all those people running up and down buying grocery, paying bills, cleaning house and on the lighter side playing badminton. It is not fun at all to lie down for hours. You may wish for it when you get up after a 5 hour sleep but I bet your wish will exponentially decrease and be zero beyond 15 hours may be.
Not to forget the cribbing I did last time at the office restaurant. After having plain curd rice for 7 days I feel like kissing the hands of the guy who sells the combo meal at office. [Caution: Dont take it in the literal sense! ]


5. Identify your friends ! Soon.

Testing times they call it. I think it is called so because such times are the ones which conduct a free " No fee " test for all your friends and hand out the results. You can get a filtered list of friends who care for you and for whom you matter. You need not wait till Chicken pox for this. Any kutti testing time is also fine :). Identify those gems and treasure them without ever forgetting that they have passed the test.


I think five should be enough. I am grateful to you for reading till here. So for all the beautiful people who got the patience to endure till the fifth point from the first point, here is an offer. You can read one more personal realization :)


6. I love coffee! I missed you :)

Thats all from me now. See you. Buh Bye!

*Disclaimer : Opinions expressed in this blog are purely personal and are not chargeable under law according to the fundamental right of freedom of expression